character :: Michael Bell
I hate myself. No, really – all of it; the inside parts, the outside parts, and how it’s all packaged. But you love me anyway. I’ll get there eventually.
Michael Bell, all things considered, grew up quite privileged. Two parents, a ridiculously nice home, an expensive car (so long as he kept his grades up…and he always did), everything you could imagine. The only thing they wanted from him is something he couldn’t give: even after gay conversion therapy and a special summer camp that destroyed his self-image, he just couldn’t be the son they wanted. The pictures of the people his age with eating disorders seemed to be the same exact model-thin girl in different lighting and clothing; she wasn’t him and he wasn’t her. The connection between how he felt and bulimia were like two live wires constantly in motion, and the connections were joltingly painful but thankfully brief.
Everything changed for Michael when he met Xander; a boy with skeletons so grand that his own frame seemed to melt away. But no matter what Michael does; his relationship with food is a toxic one. Even though he does all of the things the internet tells him to do – deleting the calorie counter off of his phone, refusing the compulsion to purge – Michael stands in front of the mirror, watching his growing frame with horror. His feelings haven’t changed, and likely they never will. But, all things can become bearable with the love and time: and with Xander, it’s quite possible that day will come.
