characteresque

character :: William Hall

If William Hall had any advice for his students, young or old, it would be short and to-the-point: life doesn’t turn out the way you think it will. Even self-made millionaires and their snobby children with golden-laid paths in front of them will experience deviations from The Plan, and in one way or another, every winding road leads to a new destination.

Will was a happy child born in the in the early 80’s to a very stable home. His room was filled with plastic Star Wars figurines and Star Trek “The Final Frontier” posters above his bed, even a jar labeled “Will’s Nintendo Fund” filled with quarters adorned his messy dresser. He was a nerd, self-proclaimed and teased, and being the son of the high school principal didn’t earn him any brownie points. His older brother and sister, both sports-minded and sociable, only seemed to mind Will’s presence in the company of…well…anyone. So, Will was alone to delve into his fascination with all things dork: and delve he did.

During middle school, Will put the final nail in his popularity coffin as he skipped lunch and traversed the library shelves for some new friends. Out of curiosity, he lugged home a large (and disappointingly unused) book about mass migration from eastern Europe to the Americas – and William Hall’s deep love for history blossomed. He made fast friends with the librarian that summer, and due the unpopularity of the non-fiction historical section, Will had the freedom to take home as many books from the shelves as he pleased. As high school approached and the looming reality that his father would be his principal (and everyone would know it), Will had finally found his niche.

It’s a shame that things could only get more complicated from there.

Will founded the Historical Insights Club, with the pull of his father, and after school on Wednesdays – for just one shining afternoon – Will felt listened to and appreciated. He got a rush from teaching the other students, and as he graduated, Will knew: he wanted to be a teacher. But there’s a complicated dilemma to this story: being a gay teacher in the early turn of the millennium isn’t as fun, nor as easy as it is today.

Will graduated with honors and quickly sped through college, his eyes on the prize. Boyfriends rotated through the seasons of his life, but during the last two years of his bachelor’s degree Will fell hard for a man in California by the name of Terrell Evans. William Hall packed up his life in Iowa and moved in with his long-term boyfriend in 2004, shortly after he scored his Bachelor of History. His parents were shocked at his coming out, but his brother and sister were not: Will worked hard to re-establish his relationship with his family as his dedication to Terrell loomed closer. The couple struggled until Will finally landed a 9th grade history teaching job at a lower-income school on the other side of town – money was never rolling in, but they made ends meet. Marriage wasn’t an option for Will, something he detested. There didn’t seem to be any hints toward marriage equality, even in the liberal state he had moved to…even though, the two had a small ceremony to celebrate their lives together. Will called it a wedding, and was overjoyed to see that his family would attend.

Things were going great for Will. He taught happily for a handful of years, eventually moving to a high school with an advanced-placement history course as he continued his education. Four years later, Will became Dr. William Hall and his ambition drove him higher up the education ladder to seek college teaching positions – or, at least he would have. Five years into their partnership, countless thousands of dollars of student debt and struggle, Will found it harder and harder to make it to class each day. That winter, a major flu took over the household and both Terrell and Will passed the infection to one another. Headaches, pains, fevers, coughs and sore throats – the typical wintertime faire – but it seemed as if they were the only two in the world who could get a gross flu outbreak in the tepid California winters. Terrell seemed to clear up after a few days, but for Will, it took six weeks of chicken soup before he finally broke down to visit a doctor.

Will walked into that clinic expecting a prescription of antibiotics, maybe a shot at the most extreme: but what he got instead was a very odd visit from his primary care doctor after Terrell left the room. His doctor urged Will for an HIV test, and the battle began. Was this because he was homosexual? The annoyance grew with every passing minute. This was precisely why he left Iowa, and the initial suggestion of an STD panel met extreme resistance from the young teacher. Will insisted that he got tested just before their courtship, he’d only had one sexual partner since that day. There’s no way he wanted the test, and so Will walked into the waiting room with his prescription of antibiotics just as he expected. He waited for Terrell, his arms crossed rebelliously. When Terrell walked out of that lab room with a bright blue bandage around his elbow, Will came unglued. How dare that doctor test him for a disease he didn’t have! But Terrell just laughed in his dismissive, good-natured way and the two went home to heal from their superbug.

When Terrell sat Will down for dinner two weeks later, life seemed to be getting back to normal. Terrell certainly felt better, and Will was hoping he’d be shortly behind. But this dinner would mark the beginning of a long line of suffering for Will: because Terrell had a terrible secret.

He’d been cheating.

And what’s more, he was HIV positive. He had been for at least three years now.

So, in other words: he knew. Terrell knew and he did nothing for his boyfriend.

Will fell apart. His entire life seemed to be a path, albeit a bit bumpy, straight to everything he’d ever wanted. He wanted to be a cool professor with hundreds of students who loved history, a speaker for middle school-aged kids who were interested in scholarly things just as he had been. Will wanted to be that teacher for young dorks that he had pined for: a friend. He’d teach the passionate young people during the day, and mentor the young ones after school: he’d be the shining beacon of knowledge and he’d be adored for the qualities that made his own younger years such hell. He wanted these things so badly it hurt, and yet, here he was, 25 years old with a death sentence and a deceitful sham of a non-marriage.

He went directly to his doctor the next morning, Terrell staying with his younger sister for the time being. Will had the apartment all to himself, surrounded by the memories of a person he never even knew. The results of his HIV test didn’t surprise him, but it certainly made concrete to Will that his life was over.

Will wanted that moment of confrontation with Terrell. He planned and schemed and knew exactly what he wanted to say to him after all he’d put him through. He wanted to tear the man down and make him feel just as insignificant as Will felt: nothing. But when Will and Terrell finally met again to talk it out, to finally bring up that ugly and fearful B-word – Will knew he couldn’t do it.

Terrell looked awful and his descent was fairly fast. He hadn’t treated his HIV infection for the years he’d been cheating on Will, and the stress of the failing relationship did nothing to help him. Will saw Terrell falling down a slippery slope, and while the two rifled through bank statements and bills to separate the names…Will got sucked back in. It was never the same, and Will’s distrust of Terrell made it clear that the two would be tragically platonic in a way. Will struggled to find a college teaching position from 2009 to 2013 as he cared for Terrell, their combined mounting medical bills deepening the rift between them. But Terrell never truly recovered, the fight inside of him seemed to die after their non-breakup. He forgot his medications and took mediocre care of himself, and Will’s patience for the man who ruined his life was unconditional but beginning to waver. Terrell could sense this – which lead to more arguments and more drama. Looking back, Will feels guilty for staying there for Terrell: maybe if he had left at the beginning, Terrell wouldn’t have died.

Will was there for Terrell every step of the way. The good moments were peaceful and the bad moments were terrible, but he never left. It earned him only the scorn of Terrell’s family who hated Will for making their son’s last years so turbulent despite his mistakes, and the disgust of his own family for staying with a man who clearly cared so little for him. And, suddenly without Terrell, Will found himself utterly alone.

This darkest chapter of Will’s life lead to some irresponsible decisions. He’d lost his zeal for life, something that was a cornerstone of his inner character. He needed a change, and he sure got one: during the summer of 2013 while the dirt over Terrell’s grave was still loose, William Hall once again packed up his life and hit the road. This time, he had no objective. He tried to pretend he was a teenager again, a young Luke Skywalker in search of his Obi-Wan. As the miles rolled behind him, each new state brought him more and more freedom. It got colder and more sparse the further east he went, and Will found himself drawn northward. Finally, three weeks before the start of a new school year, Will rolled into a sleepy little Maine town with a trunk full of medications and a renewed sense of hope.

This’ll do.

Will had sold most of his possessions in California to fund his three month soul journey, and the last thing to his name was the small slate gray car he’d picked out with Terrell from the used car lot downtown. It was bittersweet to sell the little car, but the money it brought afforded the hopeful man a studio apartment next to a small community college downtown. Technically, he lived in a popular student area…but there’s no way he was blending in. It occurred to Will that, for the first time in his life, he truly felt so old.

Will’s luck can’t be described as all bad this year, though. The college greedily took Will on as two weeks before, one of their professors took an extended leave of absence following a rocky divorce. He was underpaid and given the courses to fill that no other history teacher would touch with a ten-foot pole: but to Will, this was a new start. He poured his renewed energy into his job, and bought himself a bike.

The best part of teaching, for Will at least, is the constant flow of new information. Not just scholarly information, either. The second chapter of Will’s life begins with the realization that his life was in fact not over, and the prognosis for HIV positive people wasn’t what he’d expected after the AIDs scare he’d been introduced to as a kid. He was a young, handsome, gay teacher with a stable job, and it’s time to heal.

Will began paying off his student loans and medical bills one at a time, his meager income affording him some small luxuries such as the occasional date. For a few years he floundered around the dating scene, but his completely upfront nature cost him greatly. After what Terrell did, keeping silent about his HIV was not an option: but it certainly complicated his dating activities. Will must have gone on about sixty dates with many different men before realizing maybe…this was just his life now. He’d all but exhausted his pool of dating partners, as most of the people who lived in his immediate area were either decidedly not gay or, even worse, they were college students.

Well, maybe that wasn’t all bad to Will. After all, Terrell had been nine years older and their relationship would have been perfect. Will casually dated a student for the first time sometime in 2014 – and it was all downhill from there. Will found himself attracted to the danger, now 29 years old and feeling a huge degree higher in maturity to his students who usually ranged about 23. There was something intoxicating about the ability to teach and protect even in a romantic sense; and Will’s once narrow dating pool expanded greatly. They made him feel young. There were some weak moments that Will even invited his own students to his office just for a chance at a movie date: some students took the bait, others ran for the hills. It was all very casual, very fun: maybe if he felt more serious about a date, he’d offer up the dark smudge on his history and hope they’d feel comfortable to make out afterwards.

Most didn’t.

Will’s HIV treatments were working wonders on his body. He lived a very healthy life with a predictable routine. He’d caught the infection early and the medication only seemed to improve as the years went on. It had gotten to the point that Will’s frustration stemmed only from not finding a long-term partner three years after the death of his boyfriend, and after gay marriage had finally been legalized! It dangled in front of his eyes like a spinning fish on a hook, the one thing he thought he could never have finally available to him but no one to share it with.

Will wasn’t looking for marriage the night he logged on to craigslist for a young man to spend his evening with, though. It was cold and the thought of spending the afternoon with someone to cuddle with, paid or not, was too much for him. But the chain of events that Will would unintentionally set into motion that very night would be unlike any of the others in his life, the winding path with side-roads and potholes that he’d experienced so far seeming like a highway express lane.

No, life rarely turns out the way you’d want it to. Just ask any person their story, and you’ll hear it over and over again in various ways: it just didn’t work out. But, sometimes, and for a lucky few – it can turn out better. Thank god for Will that he finds his sweet religion after all.

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